Holy Cheesecake Batman!!

I was sooooo proud of myself yesterday. I went out to lunch for a KPUFF ex-co-worker's bday and we ordered a chocolate cheesecake (heeelllllooooo sweetness!) and I didn't even have one bite! Man, that was hard. It looked so creamy and delicious.

I've dropped some weight and inches lately and that's the first time I've been able to say that in a couple of months. I keep telling people I'm trying to lose my 'in love' weight. Matt's been working out too. Not as much as me, but he's trying. It's been a lot of fun working out with him. He's much like me, once you get him to the gym, he works really hard. We actually made a friend at the gym on Monday. He came up to us and told us how hard we were working and hoped he'd never have to work that hard. Ha! He was a crack up. I hope I see him again.

Life has been pretty good. I found a great job within a week of being laid off and have been working here for 6 weeks now. I can't even tell you how refreshing it is to work with such great people. I feel lucky to have this opportunity.

Matt and I are starting the process of buying a townhouse. I am very excited for this venture. We also have decided to set up a joint savings account for our future endeavors such as wedding, travels, pets and little wiggles (kids). Yayyy for us! I have to say I love this man more than I ever imagined I could love someone. I am so grateful to have him and treasure his presence in my life every day.

I hope to lose 30 pounds before August. I want to feel good when we go to Mexico! I can't freakin' wait!! Yahooooo!

Inner Strenth

I had a blow to my career yesterday when I was let go from my job. I have had quite a struggle at this particular firm, but decided to stick it out and work through the challenges as opposed to moving elsewhere. It's funny because I have turned down more than one job offer during my 2 and a half years at KPFF, but kept giving KPFF a chance to prove themselves to be a firm I could see myself at for a few years.

Ever since I came to KPFF, I felt like I was in a deep rabbit hole, trying to dig my way up to the surface and get the respect and appreciation I deserved. I never got there, no matter how hard I tried or worked. I am baffled. I have never worked so hard and for the team I worked for to do nothing, but put me down because I'm not where they think I should be ate at my soul.

I feel like KPFF failed me. I had struggled with the idea of working with that team because I didn't feel that they were the kind of people I want to work for. I am more relieved that I don't have to be associated with those kind of engineers.

I made so many great friends, especially Matt, at KPFF and wouldn't take away my time there. I do; however, wish I would have made the move before they did. I stayed so long because of the people, instead of taking care of my career and I learned the hard way that that is not a reason to stay at a firm.

I'm excited to see what opportunities await me, but I'm also scared. I feel an inner strength arising that I haven't felt in a long time. And if this is what needed to happen to kind of wake me up, instead of being comfortable, than I am glad it happened.

I'm sure I'll have at least one job offer tomorrow from the calls I made yesterday, but I hope I get to take a little time off before stepping back into work. I need it.

The Battle of the Turkey Kelbasa!

So, Matt and I have different pallets and he has always said that he didn't like the kelbasa. I have always been a big fan and crave this delicious treat from time to time, but was sad that I couldn't make it for dinner ever. We went grocery shopping last night and I was wanting a hot dog type thing for dinner. He decided to eat brauts and I picked up a turkey kelbasa, which is pretty lean. He ended up eating crab instead, but after dinner he tried my turkey kelbasa and liked it! We even had the left overs for lunch today.

So that my friend...is another battle won in the Berry-Bateman household. So far, I have made Matt realize he likes frozen yogurt and turkey kelbasa. I can't wait for the next battle...oatmeal!!

Where am I going to swim now?

So, I hobble into the gym this morning and notice all these random lockers aligned against the walls of the locker room. At first, I wasn't concerned about it, I just thought they might be remodeling. But then I hear people talking about how they closed the Bellevue club. And then I realized that the lockers just hanging around are the ones they had in the Bellevue club. Great. Where the hell am I suppose to swim now??!! I mean, I'm just up in arms about this. \../

I really like my gym and don't want to switch, but this is a major blow to my cardio regiment and my future goal of wanting to do a sprint triathlon. I don't know what to do. And then they sqeezed all of Bellevue's equipment onto the gym floor and there's no room to do floor work. I am really quite perturbed.

Matt's gym in downtown has a pool, but it's not in a convienant location to work. I'm already getting into work at 9am and I'm not sure if I can get up much earlier to allow for that extra walk. But maybe when Matt and I move closer to downtown, I could change it up.

And then on top of that bad news, I am eating strangely the past couple of days. I just had a burger and onion rings. What the hell? And last night, I shared a piece of cheesecake with Matt. I know I'm on my monthly and my stomach's been wonky, but this is ridiculous. I need to put a stop to this. I think I'm going to start counting calories again for awhile. I know that will help. I just hate knowing that I had a great workout this morning and I ate fried things for lunch. Sheesh!

How am I going to lose the weight?

Silly people, Weight Watchers is for kids!

I was telling a friend the other day about my goal to become a nutritionist/trainer and focus on obese kids, but I wanted to reach my weight loss goal before I really got into it and she asks 'How are you going to lose the weight, Weight Watchers?' I thought it was really funny. And it really makes you realize how skinny people don't have a clue.

Not that Weight Watchers doesn't have benefits for some, it's just not how you go about losing a large amount of weight and keeping it off. Not to mention, I am on a journey to gain knowledge on what foods are good for me and include those in my diet. I'm not the kind of person to just eat whatever, but make sure I don't go over 'points.' It's not my gig and if I told my trainer I was going on Weight Watchers, she'd laugh me right out of the gym!

I guess the comment also kind of pissed me off. I mean, I've lost almost a 100 pounds to date and I know how to lose weight, I just haven't dropped that much since I've really known her. But I also kind of think that it made me realize how far I could be right now if I would have stayed focused. I forgive myself for the weight gain I had during my abusive relationship with Chuck, but I know I could be a lot farther now than I am.

It is a disappointment, but you can't let it get you down. All you can do is keep going. I have had such a new focus since the New Year and I feel like my old self again! My personal trainer even told me the other day that a lot of her clients have been commenting on how hard I work at the gym. I definitely don't waste my time at the gym. If I don't leave soaking with sweat, I didn't work hard enough. It felt good to hear that.

A Whole New Light

I don't know if it's because the new year is amongst us, but I have approached a whole new energy in me. I actually did kind of make a New Year's resolution; even though, I don't really believe in them, to stay more focused on my personal goals. The biggest of course is my weight loss, others being starting my new careers and working harder while at work.

I made Matt work out with me on Sunday and we're going to do it again tomorrow and on the weekend. We went to the grocery store together and got tons of healthy food for the week. And I have been going to the gym everyday before work. I finally feel like my old focused self again. It took awhile, but I stayed focused and didn't let what I saw as my failure hold me down. I'm excited to see what the next few months bring. And I hope I'm a few pounds and inches lighter!

Yayyy for healthiness!!

Fight La Resistance

I fought and won a battle this morning. Matt wanted to buy us breakfast and so we went through Jack in the Box's drive thru. I didn't see any healthy items so I didn't get anything and just came into work and ate my oatmeal and banana for breakfast. I was sooooo proud of myself.

I've been struggling so much lately trying to get back on track. It's been so frustrating. I had a great talk with my dad about it yesterday and he had some great points. I had something wonderful come into my life that I could loose. And when I get scared, I head back into old habits. So, I faced the fear of losing Matt yesterday. I can't let that fear stop me from reaching my personal weight loss goal.

We also discussed how I resist the unknown. I don't know the skinny world. I've been heavy all my life. It's scary. I don't know how to beat that part of it. I know I want and need to lose the weight, but it's scary. It's hard. All I can do is be aware of it and deal with it until I overcome it.

For now, I will continue to fight la resistance to reach my goals. I feel so much better, inside and out when I workout on a regular basis and eat right. I didn't workout today because I am major sore from my workout yesterday. But I will get at least 5 days in this week and the following weeks. I gave myself a goal yesterday to fit into my skinny jeans by January. So, here we go!!