First Hike

Matt and I went on our first hike of the summer today at Twin Falls near Snoqualmie. I was kind of hesitant knowing how hard hikes are for me still, but Matt insisted and I knew it would be good for both of us.

He remembered it being a pretty easy and short hike, but oh were we surprised by long, steep grades for most of the duration of the hike. It was a pretty tough hike up. I had to stop a lot to catch my breath. At one time, I was so tired that I wanted to quit, but Matt kept urging me on.

It was more than worth it. It was absolutely gorgeous. I could have stared at those falls for hours. I am so proud of us for getting out and getting through it together. It was a great experience.

We really do round each other out well. I am good at pushing us to the gym and he is good at pushing us outside. It's a great thing.

I have been working really hard lately on not being negative about splurges or missing a workout. So I've decided to share and celebrate my successes and brush off any negative thinking.

These are the successes I am proud of this week:

-Worked out on Monday even though I had a headache
-Only allowed myself one soda for the week.
-Ordered a turkey wrap and fruit at Rock Bottom for lunch when I was starving and really wanted a burger.
-Had frozen yogurt instead of ice cream at Pike Place Market today.
-Ate raw vegetables almost every day.
-Bought fudge bars instead of ice cream for this hot weekend.

Mother's Day

Well, after weeks of hearing and seeing Mother's Day advertising, it's finally over. What a rough week. From having to take Tuesday off because I needed a day to cry and reflect (as well as throwing things at every Mother's Day commercial I saw) to dealing with my grandma taking out the family drama on me last night, it's finally over.

I have had to be a support system for my dad, brother and grandma this week and it really left me hardly any time to reflect or deal with the pain in my heart that I feel. And it's finally hitting me. All I want to do is curl up in bed and cry, but I know I have to be strong and keep going.

I wonder if this day will ever be easy. Even when I have my own kids. I miss my mom.

INSPIRATIONS

To get myself back into the weightloss game, I decided to put down on paper what my big inspirations are for losing the weight. I am quite disappointed that I have gained back more weight (and more weight than I'd like to admit) and my focus on my weightloss journey has been lackluster for the past few months. These inspirations have helped me kick-start my journey again:

Love: Inspiration to love myself enough to complete this journey.

Hiking: Inspiration to go on a hike and not get embarassingly winded.

Wedding: Inspiration to look good in my wedding dress.

Having a child: Inspiration to have enough energy and endurance to enjoy my child.

Healthy Heart: Inspiration to stay healthy and live long.

Personal Trainer: Inspiration to be able to do my dream job.

Sexy shoes: Inspiration to be able to wear these shoes for an entire evening.

Pilates: Inspiration to do this move for more than 2 seconds.

The Beach: Inpiration to feel good in a bathing suit.

Roller Coasters: Inspiration to never fear not fitting into the seat of a ride.

Skinny Jeans: Inspiration to look killer in jeans.

These are my inspirations.

Holy Cheesecake Batman!!

I was sooooo proud of myself yesterday. I went out to lunch for a KPUFF ex-co-worker's bday and we ordered a chocolate cheesecake (heeelllllooooo sweetness!) and I didn't even have one bite! Man, that was hard. It looked so creamy and delicious.

I've dropped some weight and inches lately and that's the first time I've been able to say that in a couple of months. I keep telling people I'm trying to lose my 'in love' weight. Matt's been working out too. Not as much as me, but he's trying. It's been a lot of fun working out with him. He's much like me, once you get him to the gym, he works really hard. We actually made a friend at the gym on Monday. He came up to us and told us how hard we were working and hoped he'd never have to work that hard. Ha! He was a crack up. I hope I see him again.

Life has been pretty good. I found a great job within a week of being laid off and have been working here for 6 weeks now. I can't even tell you how refreshing it is to work with such great people. I feel lucky to have this opportunity.

Matt and I are starting the process of buying a townhouse. I am very excited for this venture. We also have decided to set up a joint savings account for our future endeavors such as wedding, travels, pets and little wiggles (kids). Yayyy for us! I have to say I love this man more than I ever imagined I could love someone. I am so grateful to have him and treasure his presence in my life every day.

I hope to lose 30 pounds before August. I want to feel good when we go to Mexico! I can't freakin' wait!! Yahooooo!

Inner Strenth

I had a blow to my career yesterday when I was let go from my job. I have had quite a struggle at this particular firm, but decided to stick it out and work through the challenges as opposed to moving elsewhere. It's funny because I have turned down more than one job offer during my 2 and a half years at KPFF, but kept giving KPFF a chance to prove themselves to be a firm I could see myself at for a few years.

Ever since I came to KPFF, I felt like I was in a deep rabbit hole, trying to dig my way up to the surface and get the respect and appreciation I deserved. I never got there, no matter how hard I tried or worked. I am baffled. I have never worked so hard and for the team I worked for to do nothing, but put me down because I'm not where they think I should be ate at my soul.

I feel like KPFF failed me. I had struggled with the idea of working with that team because I didn't feel that they were the kind of people I want to work for. I am more relieved that I don't have to be associated with those kind of engineers.

I made so many great friends, especially Matt, at KPFF and wouldn't take away my time there. I do; however, wish I would have made the move before they did. I stayed so long because of the people, instead of taking care of my career and I learned the hard way that that is not a reason to stay at a firm.

I'm excited to see what opportunities await me, but I'm also scared. I feel an inner strength arising that I haven't felt in a long time. And if this is what needed to happen to kind of wake me up, instead of being comfortable, than I am glad it happened.

I'm sure I'll have at least one job offer tomorrow from the calls I made yesterday, but I hope I get to take a little time off before stepping back into work. I need it.

The Battle of the Turkey Kelbasa!

So, Matt and I have different pallets and he has always said that he didn't like the kelbasa. I have always been a big fan and crave this delicious treat from time to time, but was sad that I couldn't make it for dinner ever. We went grocery shopping last night and I was wanting a hot dog type thing for dinner. He decided to eat brauts and I picked up a turkey kelbasa, which is pretty lean. He ended up eating crab instead, but after dinner he tried my turkey kelbasa and liked it! We even had the left overs for lunch today.

So that my friend...is another battle won in the Berry-Bateman household. So far, I have made Matt realize he likes frozen yogurt and turkey kelbasa. I can't wait for the next battle...oatmeal!!

Where am I going to swim now?

So, I hobble into the gym this morning and notice all these random lockers aligned against the walls of the locker room. At first, I wasn't concerned about it, I just thought they might be remodeling. But then I hear people talking about how they closed the Bellevue club. And then I realized that the lockers just hanging around are the ones they had in the Bellevue club. Great. Where the hell am I suppose to swim now??!! I mean, I'm just up in arms about this. \../

I really like my gym and don't want to switch, but this is a major blow to my cardio regiment and my future goal of wanting to do a sprint triathlon. I don't know what to do. And then they sqeezed all of Bellevue's equipment onto the gym floor and there's no room to do floor work. I am really quite perturbed.

Matt's gym in downtown has a pool, but it's not in a convienant location to work. I'm already getting into work at 9am and I'm not sure if I can get up much earlier to allow for that extra walk. But maybe when Matt and I move closer to downtown, I could change it up.

And then on top of that bad news, I am eating strangely the past couple of days. I just had a burger and onion rings. What the hell? And last night, I shared a piece of cheesecake with Matt. I know I'm on my monthly and my stomach's been wonky, but this is ridiculous. I need to put a stop to this. I think I'm going to start counting calories again for awhile. I know that will help. I just hate knowing that I had a great workout this morning and I ate fried things for lunch. Sheesh!