I'm weeeeeeeeeened!

After a very disturbing visit to my now ex-pshychiatrist a few months ago, I decided to start weening myself off of my anti-depressants. I started taking them during a really tough part of my life and have recovered from that and found great happiness internally. And my now ex-pshychiatrist said he didn't know why I was taking them.

Well ladies and gentlemen, after a long and slow process, I am completely free of my anti-depressants!! Never to enter my body again (knock on wood). I feel more alive and more like myself. Of course, I'm a little more emotional, but that is just me. And to be quite honest, I like being emotional because it makes me feel alive. I felt numb on effexor.

Anyway, just wanted to share my good news!!

Hiking on up...on the south side

It's been too long, where have I been? Working out, that's where!! :)

In my quest on getting fit, I made a decision a couple of weeks ago to start climbing up the steep hills on my way to work instead of taking escalators and elevators in avoidance. It's been great! I get to work refreshed and energized. It's still hard and I breathe rather rapidly all the way to work, but I know it's good for me and I need to do it!

I've also been trying to go for walks after lunch. And I haven't been accepting any of my lame excuses to not go to the gym. I've gone when completely exhausted, headachy and busy. No more excuses!! Matt's been really good too. I see a change in both of us.

Well, gotta go climb up some more hills!!

Whoopsidaisy doo!

I haven't been so tired and felt so good all at the same time in quite awhile. After a week hiatus last week from working out due to illness, I hit this week hard with determination and spunk! I've worked out 4 out of the 5 day work week and only missed Wed because we ended up having to drive to Marysville to score a couple of bar stools for $20.

Ashley had to cancel our training session yesterday, but she had a spot open this morning and I took it. Of course without thinking that I was going to be out late because we were going to see the Phantom of the Opera. It was hard to get up, but I did it and it was good. Ashley is doing really well at easing me into full swing. I am quite taken back by how much muscle memory I really do have. Earlier in the week I did chest pumps with 15 pound dumbbells. I would have never thought I could do that!

So I'm on my way. It's going to be a long road, but I am determined. Now if I can only defeat Deb's chocolate fountain this weekend....

I NEED DISCIPLINE!!

Despite my many attempts to get myself motivated, I realized that it just wasn't happenin. It's been weighing on me heavily lately, I was concerned about my health and fearful that I would never lose the weight. Then a beautiful angel by the name of Ashley text messaged me yesterday out of the blue and told me she was going to be working at my downtown gym on Saturday and asked if I wanted to come in for a training session.

I was taken back at first since I haven't trained with her in 9 months, but deep down (ok, not so deep), I knew I had to do it. So I purchased $300 worth of sessions (only $41 a session!!) and made an appt. with Ash.

It was great. I needed it. I'm tired and I know I'll be sore tomorrow, but I feel such a heavy weight off my shoulders. I needed help and I have it again. I don't know what prompted her to text me, but I'm thankful as hell.

1 Year Anniversary!!

Matt and I decided to re-create our 'real' first date on our 1 year anniversary last night. We first went to Jai Thai on Broadway for dinner. It was delicious! I had the Garlic Galor and Matt had some weird seafood dish. We ended the meal with Jasmine tea and great conversation.

After dinner, we walked over to Dilletante to share a hot fudge sundae (the best we've ever had btw), but they were closed!! We couldn't believe it! It was disappointing, but we ended up walking to B&O Espresso and I had mousse and he had bread pudding. It was very good. Not as good as the sundae at Dilletante though. Doh!

After B&O we walked up to the Lincoln Reservoir where we had stood and embraced 1 year ago. If you haven't been there, it is quite a beautiful place to be. The water features there are phenomenal. We sat on the wall and watched the waterfall and waited for these punk kids to move from our 'spot.' They never did and I think Matt was getting impatient and led us closer to the waterfall. He then got on one knee, pulled out my ring and I think asked me to marry him. I'm not quite sure though because I lost my shit and just embraced him and started balling. We hugged and cried for a few minutes and told each other how much we love each other and finally we put the ring on! It is just beautiful! I can't stop looking at it. I fell in love with this ring a few weeks back. It's from 1890, a very romantic period in England. I felt a real connection to this ring. I could tell it was made from love and was taken care of because whomever had it loved the ring as much as whomever made it loved them.

It was just an amazing night! I love this man sooooo much. The sweetest thing he said that night was 'I want to raise a family with you.' Ahhhhh! But dang, now I have to have kids. ;) I feel so honored and blessed to share my life with Matt. He has made me the happiest and luckiest woman in the world. I'M ENGAGED!! Holy shite! I didn't think it would ever happen!!!

Kick-it Like a Polaroid Picture

I thought I knew what kick-boxing was since I've done it in a million different workouts, but I didn't know kick-boxing until Saturday morning. I signed up with the Modern Martial Arts Academy and had my first semi-private session on Saturday. The instructor went over all of the moves I need to know for the classes and let me tell ya...it was hard!

It was the first time I've done kick-boxing bare foot. I'm not sure how I feel about that. And we had to wear hand wraps and real boxing gloves. It was a completely new experience for me. He made me go through each move a million times to make sure I have the right technique.

As we were finishing, girls for his class started coming in and every single one of them was skinny. I started thinking what did I get myself into, but I know I can do it!

I can't wait to do it again. I hope I continue to keep up with these classes. Yayyy me!!

Trouble at the Storm Front

I am so angry! So, so, so, so angry!! I have worked so hard in my field and I just continue to get brutalized. I am sick of project managers making assumptions about me and my work. Have the balls to come to me and clear it up!

I just want to throw my business cards at her freakin' head! Why do I keep running into these cold women in this field? I swear they forget what it's like to be a young engineer. How the hell am I suppose to learn if you won't teach me?

I want to quit, but I know that's not going to do me or anyone else any good. I will continue to fight through this hardship. Even if I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

I looked up to her. I wanted to learn from her, why did she quit on me? I deserve better than that. I worked hard for her.