Dairy Aire

I started this week off with a bang. Last week was not good for me. I let my emotions get the best of me and ended up only working out twice. Not only that, but while away at the ocean this weekend, I allowed myself to eat anything. Yes, it was the best burger I've had in years probably, yes, it was the best hot fundge sundae I've had in a really long time, but did I have to go to the complete extreme of things? My stomach was seriously unhappy with me. I did ok last night and took Mitch to Quizno's for dinner. It felt good to have something decent in my stomach. This week is going to be much different.

My personal trainer opened up to me this morning and it really meant a lot to me. I really take pride in being someone that people feel comfortable speaking to. But I do know there are times when I open my mouth about things I shouldn't to others. I did that to Debbie last week and I wasn't proud of myself for doing so and really did an injustice to her. I've been working hard lately at not gossiping, but sometimes I fail. It's a really hard habit to break.

But from my conversations with Ashley this morning, I really reinstated how proud of myself I should be for standing up for who I am and what I want out of life. I struggled this weekend with the whole 'last boy' incident, but I truly feel I made the right decision. Maybe it was so hard to let it go because I liked him and I haven't felt that connection with anyone in a long time. But I saw the warning signs and I established that I wanted and deserved better than what he was offering me. I've come a long way since Chuck. And as much as I hate saying that name, I learned valuable life lessons from that situation.

It was kind of a rough weekend, but I see nothing but amazing things coming my way. Lonliness has really creeked my way recently. But I know that if I stay strong, I will get everything I want. I bought myself Pike Place flowers this morning. And tonight I will take to myself. It's going to be a good week. :)

Don't Call it a Comeback

'I've been here for years, rockin' my peers, putting suckas in fear.' So this entry isn't really about my weightloss, it's about my continual search for a man. I wonder if all of my friends, who are married, ever get sick of my dating stories. I have worked my ass off the past year, hell I've worked my ass off the past 4 years to get to where I am mentally, physically and spiritually and this is what comes of it.

This story starts with me meeting a boy. We met a couple of weeks ago and instantly had that feeling that he could be someone really special in my life. We spent a lot of time together and I grew to like him very much. And for some reason, he was shut off. I had a chance on Sunday night to break it off completely, but decided to give it one more chance. We went out on Tuesday night and had a great time together. The more I discussed what he had said to me to people in my life, the more I was told that he wasn't looking for the same thing I was. I treasure my friend's and family's opinion greatly and took their words into consideration for my final decision. Basically, I decided that I want and deserve someone who knows, even in two weeks, that I am someone to not take for granted and to appreciate greatly. I want to meet someone that knows quite quickly that I may be the one. This one was kind of hard because I really liked him, but the one question I ask myself is 'What do I want?' It wasn't what I wanted.

I am damn proud of myself for saying no as many times as I have lately. I will not settle. I am looking for aw-inspiring love and I will not stop until I find it. So to any boy who says to you 'I'm just having fun,' get rid of him instantly. I deserve better and I will find better.

And that my friend, is what I call...closure. NEXT!!

Diggin' Deep

I woke up completely sore today; my abs hurt, my arms hurt, my legs were even a bit stiff. But I woke up at 4:45am and got my happy ass out of bed. I did not want to miss kickboxing. It was the most difficult class I have ever had to get through. I guess it was a combination of being tired and sore and Celeste just working us harder than normal. I had to push through so much pain and fatigue, but I didn't give up. Even towards the end when she said burpies, I did jump squats. She came over at one point and told me how proud she was of me. Ahhhh, tear.

During one of the sessions where we were doing a side kick and then jumping out and squatting and then jumping back up to kick, I had this epiphany. I remembered why I'm doing this. I've been really on track the past couple of weeks and the weight and inches are coming off, but you really do get placid at times. I have been so comfortable with my body, for the most part, lately that sometimes I lose the drive. But I have to keep in the front of my head that I'm not done. I still have at least 70 pounds to get off. It was a great morning. I definitely feel the difference afterwards when pushed that hard. Shoaib said I looked radiant this morning! That's right bitches!!

We're Gonna Pump...You Up!

Man, does my chest hurt like a mofo. Ashley worked my chest ridicously yesterday. It feels good, but it's a very hard area to stretch.

I got to the gym really early this morning. I had intentions of doing the step 'n flex class, but didn't want to waste 20 minutes so I ended up doing 50 minutes of cardio and then some ab work. I used the treadmill mostly with 5 minutes of rowing machine and bike just to kind of mix it up. I was getting pretty tired towards the end, but I stuck with it and was fine. My sleeping habits the past week have not been the greatest. And I've had this headache for over a week that just won't go away.

I'm having a hard time relaxing, I just feel stressed all the time. I am usually not like this. I am going to take a night to myself tonight and do everything I can to get over this. A bubble bath is in definite order my friends.

In related news, I have done really well on my diet and weighed in lighter than I have in a forever ever if ever ever. Well, not ever ever that I remember anyway. High school doesn't count. Yeah for weightloss!

I can't wait for my kickboxing class on Thursday!!

Escardonme!

I feel awesome today!! And thank goodness it's cooler. Whew, yesterday was a kick in the pants! I did my kickboxing workout today and afterwards, I did 13 more minutes on the treadmill and about 10 minutes worth of abs and stretching. Time goes by so fast when you're having fun! :) We had a bunch of new people in the class this morning. I was helping this one girl out, she's never done kickboxing before. I've been doing it so long now, that I forgot how coordinated you have to be to get the moves down. And I will again show my evil side and say she was a skinny and was having trouble getting through the class. It was cool helping her though, I felt like I actually knew something and it gave me a little taste of what it could be like if I ever went into that field. I do have to say that as much as I'm working on my endurance with the burpies and everything, I freakin' hate mountain climbers.

I had to stop kicking a few times 'cause my hamstrings were so tight from yesterday's workout. Ashley worked my legs and they feel wonderful today. She had me do quad curls with 70 pounds (ouch), then burpies with the bose ball where you place your hands on the bose ball, jump out with your feet, bounce your feet out and then in, jump in and then lift the bose ball over your head. Had to do that for a minute. It actually wasn't that bad and was kind of fun. Bose balls are the half balls where one side is flat and the other is a squishy bubble that is used for stablization and really works your muscles. After that we did leg presses and hamstring curls. It was a great workout. I did some ab work after that and was doing the thing where you lay on your back holding an exercise ball in your hands and you lift the ball while lifting your legs and at the top, you move the ball in between your legs and then go down and come back up and move the ball to your arms again. First of all: ouch. Second of all: not very pretty and I ended up letting out a big fart during one of my reps! Omg!! It was freakin' hilarious.

I hope we do arms tomorrow! They're feeling kind of mushy!

The Hike

Man, was I nervous to go on this hike with my good friends Cori and Micah Balls. But I made a committment to myself and them and went for it. I have the greatest time with them, we had a blast driving up. It was so beautiful when we got there. The hike up was challenging for me. I was sweating like a pig and niether Cori or Micah were even short of breath most of the time. It really made me realize how far I have to go. I didn't end up making it all the way, I think we climbed for 2-21/2 miles out of 3. We hit snow and besides my total exhaustion, I knew I wouldn't have made it very far in the snow. They were so understanding and patient with me. I didn't have to take too many breaks, but I was quite touched by their concern. We did stop at the top of this amazing view and it was absolutely breathtaking. We finished our lunches and chatted a bit and then headed down. Going down is ten times easier for me, but I definitely felt the altitude change in my body and I didn't realize until the very end how worn out I was. And falling 4 times didn't help! :) When we got to the car, I felt sick. It eventually went away after awhile. I was proud of myself for doing it, but also kind of disappointed that it wasn't easier for me. But I hope I get to get out with them at least a couple of more times before the end of the summer. They always motivate me towards my goals.

I woke up feeling good. A bit tired from the lack of sleep due to the pyros in the neighborhood, but I was still able to get to my kickboxing class on time. I could tell that my right leg was a bit sore from one of the falls I had during the hike, but other than that, I was fine. I didn't have enough energy to do more cardio afterwards, but I did do some additional ab work and made sure I stretched really well.

It was a good experience. Now I won't fear hikes no longer!

Step 'n Flex

I finally made it to step 'n flex class this morning!! Yayyy! It was tough, but I'm so glad I did it. I wish there was a bit more cardio involved, but it definitely is going to help me with my endurance. I feel really good!

And I overate on accident a bit last night, but fought the urge to upchuck. And I stopped eating as soon as I felt the fullness coming on. So yayyy for good things!

I'm Back!

After a good weekend where I pushed through leg soreness by swimming on Saturday and jogging yesterday in the hot, hot heat, I met with my personal trainer this morning for an incredibly exhausting workout. I had to work hard not to get sick. I did 25 minutes on the eliptical before she hobbled over to get me. We did a circuit where I had to do 1 minute of squat skates and then 1 minutes of push-ups. Holy moly, we did that 3 times. My arms felt like they were going to fall off. After that, she asks me if I could handle 15 pound weights for arm presses. Being the trooper that I am, I was all for it. Why do I get myself into these situations? The next circuit was 1 minute of jump rope and then one minute of arm presses on the ball with 15 pound weights. I don't know how I did it. I had to stop a few times and walk in place so I didn't get sick. It was really hard, but I pushed through it. We were actually suppose to do more, but that took all of our time. I felt kind of bad, usually I kick more butt than that.

I spoke with Ashley about my eating disorder and she was really supportive. She actually told me she's struggled with a similiar thing and knew exactly where to send me. I could tell she was happy that I came to her and she gave me the biggest hug and it was all I could do not to start balling right there. I am so glad I opened up to her and I can't wait to get into a clinic for further support. I want to beat this, I will beat this.

I feel awesome today. My co-worker even said I looked radiant and told me that I inspire him. What a great start to a great day!! Now if only the AC worked. :)